Ask someone for help
Culturally, we think it's a PITA. But it's the opposite.
Rabbit holes are everywhere.
I’ll bet you’ve gone deep into a rabbit hole yourself, I know I surely have. I’ve witnessed friends and even managed individuals who have been confronted with a rabbit hole problem. I’ve watched them grind and grind and grind on an issue that they are trying to solve to the point of exhaustion and diminishing returns. This kind of over-focus on a problem, often at the expense of broader goals or other tasks, can be detrimental to both individual productivity and team dynamics. Why not just ask for help?
Unfortunately, we live in society that champions “busyness”1, we may want support from our peers or our leadership but we’re lead to believe that everyone is task- saturated and unable to lend their time to help. When it comes to people with the most experience and/or most prestige, this sentiment becomes even more pronounced. We’ve developed a collective mindset where we think it’s burdensome to ask others for help.
But it’s not. Not always. In fact, in some cases it’s the opposite. Here’s why…
Asking someone for help gives them the opportunity to:
Increase gumption, motivation, and inspiration
Assess, and potentially expand, their knowledge
Improve their productivity
Do the best thing a human can do
Increase gumption, motivation, and inspiration
A few months ago I decided I was going to do something that I hadn’t done in many years: run a race on the track. Historically, the bulk of my competitive running has taken place on the road primarily in the form of 5ks, 10ks, marathons & halfs. I knew from personal experience that footwear technology has changed drastically over the years. Heck, the Nike Vapoflys have been helping marathoners (including myself) run 26.2 miles 3% faster since their release in 2017. I was curious if any technological advancement had improved track spike design in a similar way.
No doubt there is endless information on the internet that I can easily find. Actually, chatGPT or BARD can quickly give me a decent answer. Instead, I sent two text messages. One to my friend Britt and one to my other friends Kevin & Bryan; “how do you think about track spikes these days?” These guys love track and field. They love shoes. They are also super busy. And they probably won’t give me the most detailed review of what spikes to wear that I can find on the internet. But I wanted to connect with these guys, and this seemed like a good opportunity to do that.
The text messages began a dialogue not only about track spikes, but about training, families, and recent running records. It gave all of us a little bit more gumption to keep running every day, even as we approach 40. I gained confidence in what spikes to buy. I purchased a pair of Nike DragonFlys… and flew around the track2.
Assess, and potentially expand, their knowledge
If I have a question about leadership, I go to Jeff Wolpov, Brad Zielke, Scott Fremont, (and the list goes on..). HBR articles are fine, and I do read them, but there’s something important about the people relationships that make these ideas sticky3.
If I have an idea on supply chain, I email Joe DeLussey or Ralph Asher. Idea for a new product; Alex Meyer.
All of these people are super busy. Am I adding to their stress? I don’t think so. Here’s why…
A few weeks back, a former direct report of mine asked me to write him a letter of recommendation for a graduate program. It was concretely another thing to do on my to-do list. But it felt awesome. It felt awesome to briefly exchange ideas with this individual, and it felt awesome to be able to support them (because they are awesome).
The letter of recommendation was entirely about supporting the candidate, but there was a secondary benefit. It was an opportunity where I could reflect on my leadership skills. It put into question whether or not I had done everything I could, at the time, to empower this individual to do their best work. Mostly yes, but I identified some areas of opportunity for myself.
Another example, Dan Kogan asked me if I had time to mentor a high school student with their HS thesis. Of course! It creates an opportunity to assess what I really know about research methods, data collection & analysis, and guiding someone else through that process.
Improve their productivity
Over and over again, I read thought leaders telling me that I have to say no. I have to focus on the one or two most important things, and say no to everything else. It’s the only way to improve my productivity, they say. That doesn’t make sense to me as a blanket heuristic.
As I read about Richard Fisher who is known forwards and backwards across the statistical techniques spectrum, he explored all kinds of ideas and activities from farming to genetics to literature. Ben Franklin & Thomas Edison… tinkered with everything that they found curiosity in. It must of looked like these guys were all over the map, unfocused, and destined to fail. And they all changed the world.
Kennith Stanley, in his book Why Greatness Cannot be Planned, demonstrated with AI simulations that when you explore interesting things, unexpected magical outputs are created. I know the explore / exploit trade-off. But I also know there is a focus / diffuse learning trade-off. Ah-has don’t come from grinding continuously in one direction. Connections with other people and people’s stories help make things sticky in our minds.
When you engage with other people, like when you help them, you get more productive.
A recent-ish 2021 study4 illuminates an intriguing aspect of academic and professional networking. It reveals a mutually beneficial relationship between one's academic output, as gauged through metrics like Google Scholar productivity, and active engagement on platforms like ResearchGate, a networking site for scientists and researchers. The finding is that participating in professional networks enhances one’s academic productivity.
David Senra, all the time, says that if you want to learn about something, read biographies of people that have done it before5. There’s something about the human relatability and hearing other people’s stories that makes the learning process sticky. This stickiness means you have more raw materials to use - it makes you more productive.
Do the best thing a human can do
Charlie Munger said the best thing a human can do is help another human. The inverse is also true.
A few years ago, Shane Parrish shared a story on his podcast (or maybe in a blog post6). His friend said to him:
“Shane, you are not a good friend.”
Confused, Shane replied “What do you mean, I always show up to help my friends. I always make time.”
“Yeah, but you never let anyone else help you. That’s the other half of friendship.”
If you don’t ask for help and support, you not completing the relationship.
You might think that everyone is super busy. You might think that if you keep digging into that rabbit hole, you’ll find the end on your own. This may deter you from reaching out with a question or a request. This may deter you from engaging with people. That’s a mistake. You might want to reframe this mindset. Say this instead: this person is probably busy, but my question my help them discover something that’s even more important than what they are doing today. And, it definitely will help us create a close human connection. I’ll quote Charlie Munger again:
The best thing a human can do is help another human.
Now, before you act, consider this: don’t ask for help without doing your homework first. StackOverflow is littered with this question: what have you tried already? That’s because people show up without doing their homework. Take this framework, and go ask someone for help:
Identify the Challenge: Be clear about what you need.
Select the Right Person: Choose someone whose expertise aligns with your query.
Craft Your Ask: Ask in a way that's direct, respectful, and concise (including explaining what you have tried already).
Be Open to the Response: Be prepared for any answer and ready for a meaningful exchange.
Follow-Up and Show Gratitude: Don’t forget to express your appreciation, as this nurtures lasting relationships and a positive network.
On this Founder’s Journal podcast episode, I heard Sahil Lavingia (founder of Gumroad) talk about how he doesn’t want anyone at his company to do “fake work.” ❤️
To be honest, I was hoping they would make me faster. But I don’t think another pair of spikes would have yielded better results. They are all in the same ballpark at my non-Olympian level.
What does this mean; sticky? When you hear information, it goes in one ear and out the other. When you learn information (i.e. it’s sticky) it’s accessible to you in the future to help guide your decisions and actions. Stories are sticky. Heuristics are sticky. Information you get from people you admire: sticky. Somewhat related, I wrote about how ideas become sticky when you are able to quickly combine them with other ideas.
'Social Networks and Open Innovation: Business Academic Productivity' by Sánchez-Teba, Rodríguez-Fernández, and Gaspar-González (2021).
I’m currently reading the biography of Richard Fisher. It’s pushing my mind in all sorts of directions and I find my mind reflecting on the stories many times through the day. The statistical concepts are becoming more sticky for me.
Unfortunately, neither chatGPT nor Perplexity.ai could help me find this story :(
Hoping to asking you for help one day!